Singing Praises is the Answer to Torment
You all know that I have been seeking a way to be free from all these negative emotions that have been tormenting me since I lost the rape defamation trial. You know I’ve been suffering under satan’s temptations. He wants me to feel despair, disillusionment, rage, a desire for revenge, humiliation, and worse of all, a loss of faith in God. I have not given into any of these temptations because I love God too much. But satan has been close to me, especially at night as I lay down my head to sleep. He was bringing the case to my head in excruciating detail and making me toss and turn with tormenting thoughts. What I should have done differently? If only we had enough money to get a better lawyer! Why was the jury so corrupt? Did they go online and see the fake SLR Facebook site and think it was me? Why was the judge so unfair? Did he hold my Christian posts about homosexuality against me? etc, etc, etc. All night, like that. Tossing and turning. And it was driving me insane. I haven’t been sleeping, friends. At all.
All of you have been trying to encourage me with the Word. But the Word wasn’t penetrating in its usual way. It was bouncing off my troubled heart- and that was troubling me even more greatly. Normally, the Word sinks straight in, creating wisdom, calm and joy immediately. But now, it seemed a little more like words- wooden and powerless. How could that be? God felt far away. And that was driving me crazy too. I needed him to be near!
My neighbor came over and she bugged me to go to church. I gave her my pat answer: I’m not ready to have my heart broken again yet. I will return soon. My husband goes with the kids. I stay home and read my bible. But she insisted. I squirmed and explained about how the case made me gun-shy and unwilling to be around people. But… she continued to argue about why I needed to be at church! I got just a teeny, tiny annoyed! But her words stayed with me.
Sunday came and I went to church. And found my answer. It is a simple, but completely illogical, answer. I needed to sing praises to my God. That one act freed me from my burdens, friends. When I opened my mouth and began to sing about the glory and wonder of our God, my heart flowered open again! The joy of God entered my heart once more and tears came to my eyes. There you are, God! I welcome you ! My singing, for some reason, dispelled satan as if he were no more than the thinnest smoke. He was nothing against my song of praise to Jesus- the glory of his Name! He left and is still gone. As I brokenly sang to God about how much I adore him, I could feel my own fingers release control of my fate. I suddenly felt I really could let God lead my life again. I knew, again, that he is greater than me, greater than Riggins, greater than the World. I remembered again that he is the Creator and Master of all that happens in the world. And knowing that made me happy and strong again! It didn’t matter anymore what happened tomorrow- as long as God is, I knew I would be ok- everything in the world would be ok. There is such peace in that!
It makes no reasonable sense. Why should singing praises to God release a person from temptation to despair? I don’t know. One could dissect it, but it still wouldn’t make sense. One could say the words and it would not have the same effect. It is through the singing that I was released. Perhaps because singing is so personal? Or does singing make us truly vulnerable and open so that we can properly receive God? I’m not sure. All I know is that the terrible dark burden of these last months, especially these last weeks, have been lifted from my chest. I can breath happily once more.
I will go again this Sunday. Let’s call it a booster shot in the arm. I believe faith isn’t enough. Obedience isn’t enough. We must also worship God to be happy. At least, that is what I’ve learned this week.
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