It is Better to Hurt than to Lie
I would love to be the perfect paragon of God’s grace on human beings. But in my opinion, to lie to you about my pain would be a great disservice to people who are in need of God. The fact is this: we will hurt in this life. Sometimes, unbearably. And if you love each other, you will help each other through the pain, not push them to be ‘ok’. We are a burden to one another in the Christian family. It is hard for all of us to understand why God allows bad things to happen. This is when we should come together to seek greater faith and wisdom in the situation.
If I am going to do good for God, it must come through complete honesty. The fact is this: I do love Jesus more than life itself. I do trust God with my life. But shall I lie to you and say that I am not shocked that God let this happen? I am shocked! I had complete and total faith that God would have me prevail. I am still reeling from the shock. If you had the faith I did before you received the text telling you that your opponent won over you in such an illogical, unjust manner, you would be shocked at God too. I believe it is ok to be in pain. It is ok to say you are hurting. Better honesty than fake holiness, don’t you think?
If I were to sit here and pretend that this doesn’t make me ache to my soul, then what will real people think when they are hurting? Shall they think they are weak for feeling that way? Because Susan Shannon just wrote an article saying how strong her faith is? How wonderful she feels after such a blow? Shall my fake testimony make them feel like ‘less of a Christian’ because they are stunned by God’s decision? No! I won’t do that to people. I am living testimony that when God chooses to bring disaster into his children’s lives, it will hurt. And it will take time to understand him and his ways. There is only one way to find peace again after God does this (and please don’t anyone say that God didn’t do this- he is sovereign over satan- just ask Job,) – you must dig deep into God’s Word. You must rely upon the blessed balm from your friends’ patience, grace and guidance. You must be honest with yourself, your friends and with God. And you must keep praying to God to increase your faith and understanding. I am in that process now. And I know that all the wisdom from this occurrence will probably take a lifetime for me to explore.
That is the reality of a Christian’s pain when God brings disaster into your life. I have at least learned that God’s promises to his Children don’t mean that he will keep you free from complete disaster and injustice. We see it everyday with Christians around the world. My loss in court and all the consequences that are following tell me so- it makes this truth very personal and up close. I don’t believe in these hokey sayings that would make satan sovereign over God. No. He is not. The Lord our God gives and he takes. Such is his choice. We are pots for him to break upon the floor if he so chooses. That is what makes him our God. He threw me to the floor and broke me. It was his prerogative and I am learning to be humble under it. But I also have faith, that He will pick me up again and put me back together again. And when he does, I will be even shinier and more beautiful than before God brought this enormous spiritual challenge into my life.
So, again, please have patience with me. And give me your kindness and encouragement, not your demands for me to just get over this. And not your criticism that somehow, I haven’t given my problems or myself fully to God. None of that is true and it hurts. I believe God did this to help me be a better person and a more effective teacher for him. I am awaiting his healing and his wisdom. Be blessed.
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